All That Remains
by Becks Rylynn
Summary: Sequel to 'Little Girl Playing with the Devil.' He can never know. What I did....What I did to you. WARNING: Mature subject matter.


_AN: Well, here it is, the sequel to _Little Girl Playing with the Devil._ I don't really have much to say about this, because I'm not sure how I feel about it. But, despite that, here it is. And yes, this is the Katie Cassidy Ruby again. WARNING: Once again, this deals with subject matter not everyone will be comfortable with. But hey, I just live to make you all permanently uncomfortable._

Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural or any of the characters.

**All That Remains**

She doesn't want it.

She doesn't want this....this _thing_ inside of her. It's a disease, she decides. A virus, a tiny little life growing inside of her. It's human and weak and utterly pathetic and she doesn't want it.

Currently, she's standing in a small bathroom of a grungy all night diner, pale and shaking, and she's just thrown up what little she's eaten today, because this thing inside likes to make her miserable, just like _he_ did. Her fingers grip the sink so hard her knuckles turn white and she squeezes her eyes shut, trying not to think about him because she knows, she _knows_, what will happen if she does.

''Don't think about him, _don't_ think about him.''

But it's too late and a cry tumbles out of her lips, because she can feel him coming and her weakened limbs send her to the floor, clutching her head in agony. When he appears in front of her eyes, she backs herself against the dirty wall and closes her eyes, pretending this is all a bad dream. ''Go away,'' She pleads, broken like a shattered porcelain doll, a fear she doesn't want to feel anymore growing in her chest.

''Sorry, sweetheart, can't do that. Besides,'' He's at her level now, looking at her, that smirk on his face that makes her shiver. ''You don't really want me to go, now do you?''

''Leave me alone,'' She says weakly, and the pain and vulnerability in her voice is enough to make her hate herself even more then she already does.

He ignores her and stands, eyes glinting in the dim lights. ''So, what do you think we're going to have?'' He questions conversationally, like this is a perfectly normal conversation, like he's _really still here_. ''Boy or girl?''

She cries quietly, and wonders how it got so bad. It was supposed to be over when he died, the pain was supposed to go away, he wasn't supposed to be able to control her anymore. But here he is, and pain's still ripping through her body.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, he hurts her. He's in her head, and her soul, every part of her and she just needs him to get out. To go away. She needs_ it _to go away. She doesn't want it. She doesn't want the pain, she doesn't want him, and she doesn't want the thing inside her.

Rough hands that feel like needles grab her face, forcing her to look into those green eyes she can't find the strength to hate. ''Tell me you love me.''

''I love you,'' She answers automatically, because she doesn't know how else to answer.

''Tell me you need me.''

''I need you.''

''Tell me you're mine.''

''I....'' She swallows hard and lets out one last gulping sob, closing her eyes, because she can't bear to look at him. ''I'm yours.''

And she loathes herself because she _means_ it.

--00--

Sam tries to keep her close nowadays, even going so far as to insist they get a single room - with two beds of course - just so he can watch her. She knows he doesn't really care. All she is to him, is just another possession of Dean's. In alot of ways, that's true. It feels like all she's ever been is Dean's. Sam thinks she's breakable because she's grieving. He doesn't know the half of it.

She doesn't let him see her when she's sick, or when she breaks down. She doesn't let him see the physical or emotional pain she's in. And she doesn't let him see that, even though he's dead and gone, Dean's still controlling her.

Sam doesn't know about the ba...the _thing _inside.

She tells herself he'll never know.

--00--

Her head tells her that she should hate every little piece of Dean Winchester because of what he's done to her, because of the way he's made her feel, but her heart just can't stop loving him.

Her head aches painfully all the time now, and she can feel him trying to break through, trying to get to her, so they can start the sick cycle yet again. He's driving her into insanity. Him and that _thing._

One night, she wakes up in the middle of the night, and she can_ feel _him, like he never left at all. She lays still, impossibly still and hopes it's a dream, even though she knows it's not. When the feeling passes, she rolls over and sitting next to the bed, is the Devil himself. Something aches in her throat, she suspects it's a cry, and her body starts to quake violently.

By the way his eyes glint with primal, animalistic lust, she knows there must be terror in her eyes. ''Miss me?''

''You're not real.'' She closes her eyes and grits her teeth.

''I'm as real as you are.'' She hears him rise to his feet and every other little noise, the rain pounding on the windows, the clock ticking on the wall, all of the meaningless noises that give her a small sense of comfort, fall away, and all she's left with is the sound of his footsteps coming closer and her heartbeat drumming wildly in her chest.

''No..No, you're not.'' She starts to feel sick and curses the disease inside again, the only reason he's even here, haunting her. ''You're not real, you're just in my head, you're just in my head, you're just...'' His fingers, so very familiar, brush blonde waves out of her face and she feels the familiar burn of his touch and the sting of tears. ''You're just in my....'' His fingers move down her arm, bringing goosebumps to the surface. ''...My...'' His hand finds the edge of her shirt and starts to trail up bare skin. She bites down on her lip to keep a moan from escaping and almost welcomes the taste of blood. ''You're just in my head.''

''I'm right here.''

Then, he's on top of her and he's kissing her so hard it hurts, and when his lips find her neck, she feels like she's on fire, and it's like he's alive again. Hurting her, making her burn, making her scream like only he can. She wishes she could see something in those empty eyes, she would even settle for hatred, but she sees nothing.

And the mangled wreckage of her soul, of her heart, loves it.

His hands finally land on her stomach, feeling the bump that isn't quite there yet, and he smirks. She shivers. In her ear, he whispers the words he spoke all those months ago when this sick and twisted game of cat and mouse, predator and prey began.

''I can make you lose control.''

And then.....

...She wakes up to find tears on her cheeks, and she can still feel that feeling, the one only he can make her feel, and it makes her feel dirty. Unclean and undeserving of the careful, watchful eye Sam has on her. She pushes herself into a sitting position and her hands fall to her stomach. She knows she doesn't deserve his sympathy, or his pity. Because she's carrying the last piece of his brother there is, and she doesn't want it.

On unstable legs, she stands and runs her hand through her hair, telling herself to _just breathe_. She doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know how to deal with this. All she knows is she can't have_ it._ There's desperation in her eyes, as she tugs on her coat and sends a glance at Sam, before she stumbles out into the rain, hoping the freezing cold water will bring her some clarity.

Her unsteady feet take her a few steps into the pouring rain, and then she falls to the ground, warm tears mixing with cold rain. It's not fair. All of this should have been over the minute the hell hounds took him away. This wasn't supposed to happen, she was supposed to be free.

And she can feel it growing inside of her, getting stronger everyday. and it's going to grow up to be just like him, and it's going to destroy someone like he destroyed her, and turn them into a shadow, barely there, barely living, feeding off pain and misery, usually their own. Just like her.

She can't let that happen.

There's a part of her that feels like she can't be here anymore, she can't even be _her_ anymore. Because as much as she hates to admit it, she's not sure who she is without him burning her and making her feel so afraid. She feels like needs him. She feels like she should be his again. She feels like without the pain, she's not going to make it.

She hates that feeling.

She doesn't want the fear, she doesn't want him, and she doesn't want the thing inside of her, that she's sure is going to kill her. She doesn't want it, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want it. It has to stop.

Behind her, a voice cuts through the pouring rain, tinted with fear and concern. ''Ruby!'' Warm arms wrap around her, trying to keep her safe, trying to keep her in one piece, and she cries harder, the sound of her sobs getting lost somewhere in falling rain. ''Ruby,'' Sam murmurs, holding her tightly. ''What are you doing? You're soaking wet.''

Her fragile blue eyes meet his warm brown ones and she grasps onto his shirt in desperation. ''I don't want it!'' She screams, barely feeling the rain hitting her skin like sharp blades. ''I don't want it, Sam! You have to...You have to get it out of me! You have to get it out!'' She's sobbing, gasping for breath she can't find, and her head hurts, and she thinks she sees _him_ in the distance, and she's positive Sam probably thinks she's finally lost grip on reality.

''What are you talking about?'' He pulls her to her feet gently, and tries to ignore how her eyes seem to be silently begging him to take her away from all of this. ''Get what out?''

''The baby!'' And it's the first time she's thought of the life inside of her as anything more then a thing. She silences for a moment, and the pain in her head goes away. For just one second, she feels perfectly fine. But the agony and anguish comes back full force. ''I don't want it, Sam, I don't want it. You have to help me.'' She can see the shock and disbelief in his eyes, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care if he knows anymore, because she's just so damn desperate. ''Please, just...just get it out of me! Get _him_ out of me! He's in my head, and my-my heart, a-and he hurts me, Sam! _He hurts me!_'' Then it hits her what she's just said, what she's just admitted to the one person who doesn't want to hear it. ''Please, make it stop. Make him stop. Get. It. Out.''

Sam doesn't say anything, and the silence between them gets them nowhere, and she feels numb and cold, so she steps forwards and kisses him just to feel, and his lips are soft and warm, not hard and cold, and his kiss doesn't make her burn.

She thinks it should.

--00--

She remembers what it's like to burn, she remembers what it's like to feel alive, but.....right now, all she feels is numb. Her clothes are damp, and her hair is limp, and Sam's being very careful not to look at her. She bites her cheek to keep herself from crying, because she can't cry anymore. Every tear feels like it's cutting into her skin like a knife. The silence hurts her ears, so finally, she clears her throat and brings her eyes to Sam, hoping he'll at least look at her. ''I'm cold.''

When he finally looks at her, he looks at her like she's a stranger. ''You were out there for awhile,'' His voice sounds empty and dead. It almost hurts worse then the silence.

''No, Sam,'' She shakes her head and sniffles. ''I'm cold...._everywhere_.'' She searches for some kind of reaction, but gets none in response. A moment passes, and then another, and then another, and finally, she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and says ''He hurt me'', hoping Sam will help her through her miserable existance.

He blinks, once, twice, and then sinks into a chair, shaking his head sadly. ''I know.'' He scrubs a hand over his tired face. ''He hurt me too.''

She smiles bitterly. He still thinks she's just grieving. She wonders, for a moment, if Sam will always be this naive. ''Not like he hurt me.''

''No,'' Sam sighs and looks at her and she swears, for just a second, that he knows everything, that maybe he's always known. ''Probably not.'' Their eyes lock and hold, and then he breaks the contact and his gaze moves down to her stomach, and she can't fight the grimace that flashes on her face. ''So, were you ever going to tell me, Ruby?''

She sighs heavily and doesn't look at him. ''I can't be pregnant, Sam.''

''It's a little late for that, don't you think?''

''I don't want it, Sam!''

''Well, that's just too damn bad!'' His eyes darknen and he glares at her. She's reminded of his brother, for a second, but then she remembers this is Sam, and he would never hurt a woman.

Then again, she thought Dean would never hurt a woman once too.

''That is the last piece of my brother!'' He points an accusing finger at her, and she feels like shriveling under his gaze. ''I am not going to stand back and watch you kill this child.''

She struggles to her feet and thinks she should probably glare at him, but can't remember how. ''It's my body.''

Sam lets out a bitter bark of laughter and she mentally prepares herself for the inevitable comment about how it's not her body. Not really. It never comes. ''I will lock you up, Ruby,'' He says, and his voice is low, almost dangerous, but not quite. ''If I have to, I'll tie you to a chair until this baby's ready to be born. But it won't die. I'm not going to let it.''

There's conviction behind his voice. She can't remember the last time her voice held conviction. Her eyes prickle and she sighs heavily, feeling so tired. ''Look, Sam, can we talk about this later? I just....I just want to have a nice hot shower and then go to sleep. I'm really not in the mood for an argument.''

He looks at her carefully, and she thinks he can see that she's broken. ''Alright, we'll talk about this tomorrow. Just...will you please think about this, Ruby? Whatever went on between you and Dean, and I know something was going on.''

Her breath catches in her throat and she has to swallow down a small scream. She wonders what Sam thinks went on, she wonders if he knew the half of it, she wonders if he just didn't care. ''You...You do?''

''Well, obviously you two weren't exactly conventional, and I know you had problems. But...every couple has problems, Ruby. That doesn't mean you have to take out your anger on this baby.''

She draws in a deep breath and needs to get away. ''O-Okay, I-I'll think about it. I promise.'' She doesn't wait for his response, but escapes into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. She manages to move over and turn on the shower, before a sharp pain invades her head and his voice filters through the room.

''He can never know.''

She turns around to face him and looks at him closely. She sees him for a second, the real him, the real Dean, the hero, but it's gone before she can even react.

''What I did...'' He pauses, but the rage she's become used to is still in those damned green eyes. ''What I did to you.''

She stays silent for a long time, and finally, she nods. ''He'll never know.'' She doesn't really think Sam needs to know anyways. In Sam's mind, Dean was nothing but a hero, and she figures someone should still remember him as a hero. He was one once upon a time, in another life, one from better days.

A strange feeling invades her stomach, something like pain. She turns away from him and looks at the falling water, closing her eyes. She knows he's still there, she can feel him. But, for some reason, he's not moving towards her, like all the other times. He's not trying to burn her. ''Did you like it?'' She asks, and her voice is barely a whisper. ''Hurting me?'' It hits her with a small, almost electric shock, what she's just said. He won't like that, he's going to get angry. Her body grows tense and she waits for the first blow. It never comes.

''I did.'' There's another moment of silence and she wonders why he isn't hurting her yet. The fear's there, in her chest, why isn't he burning her yet? ''I know what you're planning on doing, Ruby.''

She closes her eyes and doesn't turn around. Tears roll down her cheeks like rivers, leaving marks on her pale cheeks, as she tries to pin point the exact moment her life got so fucked up. The feeling in her stomach, it's definitely pain. She knows that now. She wonders if it's the end. ''I'm not doing anything, Dean.''

''That's the problem! You're in pain.''

''I'm not in pain,'' She says softly. ''I'm fine.''

He takes a step towards her. ''Call for Sam.''

She leans against the wall, takes deep breaths, and tries to tell herself it's not that bad. The pain isn't that bad. But it is, and it's getting worse. Slowly, she slides to the ground and tries not to look at him. ''Nothing's wrong, Dean.'' Along with the pain, there's a sudden rush of something else in her blood flow. She wracks her brain, trying to think of what it could be. She closes her eyes and mentally orders herself to relax.

''I'm serious! What the fuck do you think you're doing, you stupid bit - ''

Then it hits her like a really heavy brick and she knows what the feeling in her veins is. She wonders why now. But decides she doesn't care. It's there, and that's all that matters. Strength. Her eyes snap open and she remembers how to glare, fury in broken eyes. _''Stop.''_

He stops in mid sentence, like someone taped his lips together.

She grips her stomach tighter and tries to tell herself this is right. She doesn't want it, she doesn't want the..._the baby. _She doesn't. Really. She doesn't feel guilty, she doesn't. This is what's right for her.

''You can't do this!'' He's pacing now, back and forth, back and forth, like he actually cares, like he's not a monster, like he doesn't just live for her destruction. There's something in his eyes, something that could easily be mistaken for fear, but she pushes that to the back of her mind.

''I don't want it.''

''No, no, no, no,'' All of the sudden, he's right in front of her, hands gripping her shoulders so tightly it hurts. She doesn't even care anymore. ''Ruby, you're angry at me. You hate me. Take it out on me, not the baby.''

''I would, but you're just in my head.''

''But I'm still here. Come on, Ruby, hit me. Tell me you hate me.''

''But, I don't hate you!'' She glares at him, even though pain shines in her eyes. ''I've never hated you, Dean. All of the things you've done, everything you've said, the way you make me burn, I don't hate you. I don't know how.'' There's another burst of pain in her stomach and she closes her eyes, her breathing hitching and a small moan escaping her lips. He grips her tighter, but it's different then all the other times. More desperate and fearful. The room spins and she has to lie down. Tears prick her eyes, but they're not out of pain. _I have to do this,_ She thinks, but she's not sure she's right.

''Call for Sam, Ruby. Please, just...call for Sam.''

She shakes her head, and thinks maybe this is her punishment. All of it. The burning, the baby, maybe it's her punishment, because of what she is. It would make sense. Everyone has penance in their lives. Maybe this is hers. When she opens her eyes, she sees the blood pooling beneath her, and knows he sees it too, because of the fear in his eyes. He's pounding on the door in an instant. ''Sam! Sam, get in here, she's losing the baby! Sammy!''

''He can't hear you,'' She laughs bitterly. ''You're in _my_ head. Remember, Dean? You're haunting _me, _not him.''

''You can't just sit here and let it die!''

''I don't want it.'' But she feels fractured cries tearing at her insides, and knows she's lying. It really isn't the baby's fault it's father was a monster. But, it's too late now, and she can't turn back. Maybe, she'll die with it, and she's disturbed by how wonderful that thought seems.

''Goddamn it, woman!'' He's at her side in an instant and his hands, usually so rough and cruel, are gentle and _almost_ caring, and his eyes, usually so full of hatred and rage, are only broken and pleading. ''Call for Sam!''

''No.''

''Ruby, it's dying!''

And it hurts, it hurts, it hurts again, but he's not hurting her this time. She's doing it to herself. She tries not to break, she tries to stay strong, but she finds herself breaking soon, and she doesn't know how to handle it. ''Oh, God.'' What the hell is she doing? With a start, she realizes she's becoming just like him, letting everything around her die, she's breaking everything just to make herself feel better. And she can't be like him. She can't. She still doesn't want it, she still can't want it, can't have it, but she doesn't think she can just let it die either. ''Dean....'' She whispers, and tries to move, but the agonizing pain seems to be pinning her to the floor. ''The baby...''

He lets out a breath, a small sigh of relief, and holds her tighter. ''You have to call for Sam.''

Her eyelids feel heavy, and she sees darkness inviting her into a different world with open arms. ''Can't....tired.''

''Ruby, it's not strong, it's going to die! Please, don't let it die. Don't let this baby die because of what I've done.''

She whimpers and it sounds pathetic even to her own ears. She swallows heavily and blue meets green. ''Help me.'' He hesitates for a moment, and she thinks that's strange. He's never hesitated before. He always takes what he wants from her, when he wants and he doesn't hate her. A second goes by, just one single second, and then he grabs her hand and gives her all of the strength he can give.

It's enough.

_''Sam!''_

--00--

When she opens her eyes, she finds herself staring at an unfamiliar white ceiling and smelling that horrible hospital smell. With a small moan, she turns her head and there's a part of her that's waiting to see Dean. But she only sees Sam. ''Hey,'' She says, and she has to clear her throat because it sounds hoarse, like it hasn't been used in days.

He shifts in the uncomfortable chair and looks at her closely, like he's trying to see something that isn't there. ''Hey. H-How're you feeling?''

''Tired.'' She frowns. ''Why? What ha...'' And then she remembers. She remembers the pain, and the blood, and Dean, and...and the baby. Panic fills her every breath as she struggles to sit up. ''The baby,'' She breathes. ''Is the baby okay?'' Silence. ''Sam, is the baby okay?!''

Slowly, he shakes his head and doesn't look at her. ''No, Ruby, the baby isn't okay.'' She thinks she can hear a slight undertone of bitterness in his voice. She doesn't really blame him. ''The baby's gone.'' His eyes are pained and more then a little bitter as he looks at her, like his brother used to look at her. ''Are you happy now?''

She blinks and feels like he's slapped her. Actually, she would probably welcome a slap right about now. She feels familiar tears in her eyes, but she doesn't let them fall as she presses her hands to her stomach. She feels empty now, even more empty then before. ''My baby....'' Guilt courses through her, because she did this. She killed her baby.

She's just like him now.

She's sure she's being punished.

--00--

A month goes by, a month turns into two, and she tries to move on, she tries to get her life back and stop feeling so empty. It's all over now. For real this time. But she's destroyed beyond repair now, unable to recover.

He comes only once, and she thinks he'll say something, she thinks he'll tell her how worthless she is, and how no one is ever going to want her. She almost needs him to punish her. But he doesn't say anything at all, and they sit in silence, until she finally gets the courage to give up and she rolls over, turning away from him, pretending to sleep.

She doesn't see him again.

By now, she and Sam have...._parted ways_, because he blames her for destroying the only thing left of Dean. She knows he's right.

She lives a life that doesn't feel like hers on autopilot. She eats, sleeps, hunts, and longs for the way things used to be. She feels like she's half dead and the only way to bring her back to life is for him to hurt her and burn her again. As wrong as it sounds, she can't live a life without abuse anymore. That's the life she's used to living.

God, how sick is that?

She sleeps alot, because when she sleeps, she dreams about him, and that's the only way she can be with him again. She dreams of kisses so rough and fingers on her skin and touches that make her burn.

The baby, her baby, _their_ baby is gone now, but she still feels like she has something she doesn't want. Only now it's her life. She doesn't want it, this life, this quarterlife that she's living, because it means nothing to her.

She forgets what it feels like to smile, and refuses to forgive herself for what she's done. She wishes for the world to end, because she can't take it anymore. She prays for him to come back to her, even though she knows he won't.

And then one night....

....She snaps.

She's in the rain again, and her eyes are stained black so deep she can't remember how to make them go away. There's a knife in her hands, and a body at her feet, and when the hunters find her, she doesn't even bother to fight back.

She's lost all the fight in her anyways.

So, she lets them take her, pretends she doesn't know she's stepping into a Devil's Trap, pretends to be afraid when they start to chant from a book. Before she leaves her body, she remembers all the horrible things she's been through, and the fact that she's killed her baby, and she welcomes the flames that dance in front of her.

When she opens her eyes, she's in hell. A dark cave, with screams echoing and the smell of burnt flesh. Home sweet hell.

And then....

''So, eternal damnation for two then?''

She's sure he won't be there when she turns around. ''Oh, God.'' And she feels fear, lots of it, so much it paralyzes her. But at the same time, it feels like home.

''Not even close.''

She turns, and there he is, ferel grin on his face, looking ready to pounce. Her personal hell. ''You're...You're here,'' She whispers, unable to tear her eyes away from him even as he starts to circle her, danger in green eyes.

''I am. So are you. Welcome to hell, baby.'' Then, before she can even open her mouth to say something, she finds her back against a rocky wall, pain rushing through her. She cries out softly, and feels tears sting her eyes.

Now they're both monsters.

He kisses her neck and it burns. Her eyes glisten with fear and she wonders what her life would have been like if he hadn't been a monster and if she had been stronger. But it's too late to go back. Now they're both stuck. He grabs her by the hair and forces her to look into his eyes, soulless green meeting nervous blue. ''Tell me you need me.''

''I need you,'' She grasps his shirt in her hands, licks her lips, waiting for the burning to start.

''Tell me you love me.''

''I love you.'' She still means it, and she still hates herself for it, but this is who she is. Damaged, afraid, destructive. It's just the way her life works.

''Tell me you're mine.''

This is it now, the hunter and the lamb forever. They're not happy, neither one of them. But this is the way it has to be. He can't live without hurting her, and she can't live without the pain. It's sick and wrong and disgusting, and they shouldn't be doing this, but neither one of them know how to stop.

''I'm yours.''

And they go down in flames.

_**the end**_

**AN: So, there you have it. Turns out she's just as disturbed as he was, isn't she? Well, he really did a number on her, mentally and physically. Anyways, I hope everyone wasn't too disappointed that I decided to kill the baby. I just felt like I couldn't let her have it, especially since I knew she was going to die in the end. I hope you all liked it, because to be honest, I'm not really sure how I feel about it.**

**Kisses, Becks**


End file.
